Guilty .

i don't want to be a powerless women , i want to be bravely.

i make my blog as my diary.
you can see all the post here is about , what special things had happen to me.
and normally is some outing post .
blog is a very best place to let me save my photos. i posted every photos that i took .
i don't really like to write a very long passage that full of words for one blog post .. ( its boring )
blog post that full of words is really looked nicer ( or "special") .
but i love photos more than words . is this a designer attitude ?

back to the topic ,
today , 3-9-2013 1.30am , tuesday .
i am going to blog about what i hate myself at this moment.
i dont know how to express the feelings right now . but i just hate myself.
counted as a Guilt article ...?

" I AM A Shopaholic "

I dont know you remember anot , that i mention in one of my blog post said that : if i save money , i save a lot , if i spent money , i spent a lot.

and i save hundreds(ssssssss) in three months ( during first semester )
because i got no where to go . and once i back home on weekends ( KK)  , i stayed at home for my assignments.

and now , i just passed my semester break 2 weeks . and 20+ days coming...
in this 2 weeks , i spent myself almost RM400++ .
all about shopping.
* i found out i started became a shopaholic is when i was form 5.*
i felt so stupid if i buy nothing during an outing.
then what for you go shopping centre ?  : " DOn't answer me window shopping , this is also a no point answer . "
and i spent my dad almost RM3000 in this 2 weeks .
WTF ! well , is because of my dad bought me a DSLR for my second semester.
he spent a lot for my course and i hope i wont let him disappointed.
and now , i still have to pay for my new unit rental deposit fees..
i shift to PV13 from PV15.
its a very long story.
 Pv 15 is a place that where i used to live during college time.
and now , i shift to PV 13 is because of housemates problem , and maybe living with friends , everyday will be happy . not as boring as i staying at PV15.
well , its ok to pay the RM700++
but my mom are not really willing to let me shift there because there got nothing , no any facilities.
we have to buy washing machine and refrigerator ourselves. ( see!  another amount of money =X )
and i paid my sept rental for PV15 . if i not managed to find a new tenant , i STILL have to pay RM250 for the oct too... and that time i already shift to PV13. Is not worth it.
this is what we used to called : 两头不到岸。

my family and i are having a trip on next friday to singapore.
YOU should know , malaysia Ringgit change to Singapore money is how many percent.
and now ,  have to spent so much.. and i can't help.
* still planning to get some souvenir for my friends =( no money so how ? *
i planned to get a freelance job with one of my friend too..
but because of transport problem , so we gave up.

20 more days and my second semester will start , and that time my dad still need to find 1k + for my school fees..

i feels so sorry for my dad , and this is why i decided to write this blog post.
usually i will opened my blog ( if nothing to do ) and read back my old blog post.
i hope it helps me to remind myself...
i feels so guilty that my dad use so many money on me for this college time.

i worked , of course i save some money too.. but this is 6 months ago.
i used my salary to buy myself an ipad and a camera.
and a lot of clothes--  this is why i din't really have some money in my account before i start my college.
so the second semester going to start in three weeks time...
i have an idea that the third semester i am going to pay the school fees myself ( if i can)
when the third semester start is after chinese new year , if it is not mistaken.

AND this course is going to use an unpredicted amount of money...
Can't predict how much we are going to spent during the second semester too.

i am the eldest in the house , all my dad have is only 3 little daughter.
: HONESTLY , i do love my dad more than my mom.
as my dad is the only one who working , but he paid for everything.
he need to feed 4 human ,1 dog , 1 car and 1 house ...
still got those bank cards and all the bills...
so before i register for my college , i always think that ,
every course will do , i just want to study a course that give me a good future , and let me find some money to take care of them or help my dad relieve some stress about financial..
parents do not know i have this thought in my mind.
and i dint tell them. i will not tell them about this.
for my parents , they still think i am a kid ....

i ended this post at here , is a post that i felt guilty for my dad.

i am happy my dad is my dad . #LOL

love you.

and THANK YOU.

IRON MAN PROTECT THE WORLD ,
 I WILL PROTECT AND TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY . ( IN THE FUTURE , I PROMISED.) 

JOAN CHUA

2.42am